A New Year usually gives you the feeling of leaving behind the weight of the previous year and looking forward to “New Beginnings”

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

As we entered 2016, I laid next to my husband and daughter thinking how fortunate I was to feel our son wiggling inside my belly. Now don’t get me wrong, there is no such thing as a perfect life. Being alive on it’s own is exhausting, even when you’re living in sunshine paradise.

Sure there are days I want to pull my hair out, shut my bedroom door and cry out of frustration… Because of the never ending dedication it takes to raise our little “oh she’s so adorable, makes me want to have kids” Lyla or the little or no time I have for myself after I work, take care of our family and try to focus on maintaining the love between my husband and I.

Love is such a powerful emotion and with power comes great responsibility; because even though a smile is as free as sunshine, being able to put on a real one takes a lot of energy.

Fortunately there IS such a thing as being grateful which when fully embraced is accompanied by feelings of satisfaction resulting in pure happiness… And this is where I come back to my New Years Eve… I felt fortunate because I have had the privilege to create sunshine by using the ultimate energy a woman can provide. So today I say: “Hello” to Light!

Luke: Light Giving

” If you knew my whole story, you’d be proud of me.”

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

I remember when I woke up that day and wrote this story, despite the fact that I had a beautiful baby girl and a boy on the way, I felt so lost. Lost in my postpartum depression, lost because Lyla was almost 2 years old and still couldn’t call me Mama, my husband was trying so hard to make me happy, and he did! Honestly this man is truly the love of my life. (saving that for future story material) It was all me. For some reason I couldn’t make myself happy anymore. It wasn’t only due to lack of energy, I was overwhelmed and didn’t know where to begin. So I wrote down what I wanted to feel. I wrote down how I wanted to be. Because I knew that light (Luke) was coming and he deserved a better me. We all deserved a better me.

I came across this quote today: ” If you knew my whole story, you’d be proud of me.” It reminded me of what I wrote that day. A New Year usually gives you the feeling of leaving behind the weight of the previous year and looking forward to “New Beginnings”. As we entered 2017, I never imagined we would go through that perfect storm. Irma took away our home, but somehow there was an energy that kept me going this time. When I read this story, I think about how much harder life became after that day. The day I couldn’t possibly imagine getting worse. Yet look at me now!

Writing those words to myself, changing my mindset to embrace gratitude in a way I’ve never done before. I started to heal, and no matter what was thrown at me in between, somehow deep inside I dug the energy and made shit happen.

With the help of many people around me, and the full support of my husband, I found a way to take control of how I reacted to my life. I was gifted a safe place to find the balance to start living a healthier life. I got to know and opened up to mothers that had been going through similar challenges with their children, making me feel less lost and alone. I got through postpartum depression, found a way to live with PCOS, got over so many insecurities. Not even losing our house, and all the struggles that came with it both financially and especially mentally, could break the trust I had in the power of gratitude. I remained faithful that everything happens for a reason and although it might not feel that way sometimes, everything was connected and made sense in the end.

My world shifted the day I said “Hello!” to light